About a week ago we were talking to our guides and they gave me two beautiful images to portray what my soul was like at the moment.
The first was a Heart with arteries and blood vessels (which did creep me out a bit as an emotion in me still recoils to the thought of a lot of pumping, gushing blood, and the second was of a tree. Both in essence represent the same thing.
The heart or the trunk of the tree is my soul. The arteries or big branches are my causal emotions and the blood vessels or the twigs are all the blocks that I have to seeing the branches (causal emotions). Then on top of that are the leaves or the blood flowing about and that is the facades we create to hide our True Selves.
I liked the tree image as I could imagine my facade or fabricated self changing with the season, different coloured leaves for each period of my life or season. Facades I had created to fit in or avoid feeling the deep loneliness, lack of love and other emotions that felt, and still feel too painful to contemplate at times.
Now my soul has winter bare branches as I begin to realise what is truly beneath the facades I worked so hard to create. I am getting tired of the facade, in fact exhausted. It takes a lot of energy to pretend all the time, to keep up appearances, be the girl I feel everyone wants me to be. The Truth is a relief. It is like a breath of fresh air on a stagnant day. I can't say I love feeling the feelings that are coming up yet, but it has become a relief to actually feel how I FEEL and know it is real and not what I think I should be feeling or what someone else said I ought to feel. With God's help I am more willing to see the twigs (blocks), Branches (causal emotions) and trunk (my soul) of the tree.
As well as having branches and twigs, I also have roots with little shoots of roots coming off them. The roots are all the causal emotions and the little shooty bits coming off are the blocks, and that is all UNDERGROUND. That to me represents all the raw, ugly, stinky, 'un-mentionable' emotions that I
really want to avoid and do not want to see at all. I want to hide them under tons and tons and tons of earth and make those roots reach soooo far down that no-one, not even I can see or remember them, hopefully ever, that is how ashamed and in denial I am.
What I am realising though (and feeling more and more) is that there is someone who does see them, who knows every part of me and every single thing I desire - loving or unloving - and that is my True Parent and Creator - God. Because I have hidden from, and avoided my True Self for so long, I am now having to ask for help to unearth some of those roots.
'God, please help me here, you know me so much better than I know myself at the moment, you feel me and feel all that I am, EVERY SINGLE BIT. Please, please, please help me to feel how I felt when I was the little me, help me see myself as you see me, help me feel who I truly am now on a soul level! God show me the good, the bad and the ugly bits and please can I have the courage to feel what ever I feel and not judge it or attempt to make it different or better than it truly is!'
With so much Gratitude to God and the Celestial Guides on the Divine Love Path!! God truly has created a perfect, beautiful and amazing system/process for us to be at one with her!
With more desire to grow in love